I’ve been wanting to get the chance to sit down and write for this month’s Carnival of Aces all month. Asexuality! Writing! Two things I love to talk about it! Sign me up, siblings!
Ok. Today I finally got that chance. I checked the guidelines on the Call for Submissions post, and as usual, glanced at the comments to see what others had written about (I don’t like to reinvent the wheel twice).
Someone wrote about asexuality and fanfiction! Wowy zowy! That was great, I was excited. I love reading about those two things. I clicked on the post, read through it, and my mouth almost fell open. This person had some advice for people who wrote asexuals in fanfiction.
See, they had some advice for people who write asexuals in “mixed relationships” (an asexual and a non-asexual in a relationship). Specifically, for people who write the asexual having a relationship where they have sex with the non-asexual partner to make them happy–you know, advice for people like me.
They had three points. The first two were presumptions of the writer’s ignorance of asexuality and ace relationships. The third point though, really blew me away. And I quote:
“just stop fetishising Asexuality please and thank you.”
This is what I was talking about in my last post. Ignorant, baseless assumptions about people, and gross accusations against other asexuals. According to this person, my little stories, which were largely a form of wish fullfillment, where an ace character lived a happy domestic life in a beautiful home with their clever, charming and suave non-asexual partner who they happen to have sex with some times, is me fetishizing asexuality.
Who knew? I’m tired of this bad faith, of this lashing out and attacking other asexuals out of baseless assumptions. Of this rampant stereotyping and generalizing. “Someone writing about an ace having sex with their non-ace partner? Most be a disgusting fetishizing alloromantic allosexual scumbag! Just stop fetishizing us eww.”
This sort of thing is exactly what I was talking about in my previous post. Albeit milder than many of the examples I see.
You may of course, read their entire piece for yourself. On Tumblr.
- A possible upcoming Asexuality Game Jam is being discussed on on /r/asexuality. The concept of a Game Jam is actually new to me–it’s essentially a session where people gather to produce games in a short period of time. This one would be themed around asexuality. I think it’s a really neat idea and would love to see it take off and create some interesting ace-friendly games. Remember that there are a lot of different roles and skillsets needed in game creation, and that there are a lot of easy-entry methods to make amateur games these days, so prior game-creation experience is not needed to participate.
Speaking of how I found out about that…
- From the Midwest Aces Meetup Group, a new Meetup group which is open to aces all over the Midwest. I was very happy to see that there are a lot of online meetups and activities in the works for those of us who can’t travel for in-person meetups for whatever reason. There aren’t a lot of places for aces to just hang out and make friends, and just like chat with each other or game, so seeing another space for that is cool.
[UPDATE December 2014: The group Midwest Aces has since closed. What a shame, hopefully there will be new groups in the future to make up for it. It was fun while it lasted.]
All this talk of new resources is inspiring, but of course every community sometimes loses an old one:
- This week, the asexualityresources tumblr closed. Hopefully everyone had time to make backups of anything they wished to save, and we will see more asexuality resources created to take the place of old ones we lose.
There aren’t even words for how excited and happy this makes me. (And not just because I need tuition money, heh). No, I’m excited because this is a resource, a real, established resource we will have that will help us support each other and other aces. This will help us give an ace a leg-up in getting an education. This is the kind of thing we need and that I hope we will see more of.
It is also another thing that will hopefully increase visibility and establish our credibility and the validity of our movement and identity. My college at least, will put scholarships that students have won on a list, and will say “X scholarships is awarded to students who are X. Students from this university were awarded this scholarship in 2006, 2008, and 2012.” I’m sure some other schools do similar things.
Not to mention having an actual established scholarship fund that we can apply to just helps our personal credibility. Having a scholarship fund established for aces flies against the idea that asexuality is just some flimsy litle online thing that has no real validity or presence in the offline world.