An Amusing Thought

I just cleared out the spam queue and while the Louis Vuitton bags *might* have attract some buyers from this blog’s audience…I don’t think the Cialis and Viagra offers would have gotten many takers here, no matter how amazingly low the prices were.

When the moment is right, most of us don’t want to be ready.

Spambots, taken note: You are looking at one of the few groups of humans in which many of those belonging to it are perfectly alright with never becoming aroused and are actively working to make it perfectly acceptable to never perform sexually.

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7 thoughts on “An Amusing Thought

  1. This reminds me of the YouTube ads on prominent atheist vlogger’s videos (or The Thinking Atheist podcast videos) often being “join the Mormon church” and hilariously contradictory things promoting religion on anti-religious vids. The one audience who would be least likely to be swayed by religious propaganda gets only that because the keywords are all the same, in this case sexual related keywords and whatnot. ;)

    It’s funny you post this now, though, as while a part of me is content to never experience arousal, a part of me can feel broken by this aspect of my non-libidoist self, and I was literally *just* discussing this in the comments with Laura (ace-muslim) over here: http://cakeatthefortress.wordpress.com/2014/08/21/broken-and-alone-within-the-asexual-community/ so it is an odd coincidence, in my opinion, that you’d mention aces being “perfectly alright with never becoming aroused” as within the past 24 hours it was a topic I was discussing, the fact that a part of me feels… like I’ve certainly accepted it but I’m not quite “perfectly alright” with it.

    • Yep; I absolutely *love* that. Like vegans talk a lot about meat–but you wouldn’t want to advertise Omaha Steak Company to them or a Big Mac. And yet I bet somewhere out there, there’s a vegan blog that gets inundated in them…

      That was an interesting conversation to read.When did you join the ace community? I entered the asexual community 4 years ago, and I feel like I was (fortunately) catching the tail-end of non-libidoism and sex aversion being more prevalent than the opposite. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if sex-averse or non-libidoist asexuals new to the community now feel like they don’t fit in as well and question their belonging. That really makes me sad to think about, because by the time I had discovered the ace community, I had already internalized and accepted that I was less than human because of my asexuality and non-libidoism. It wasn’t so much being broken as believing that I was less than a full human being, missing something vital that made me a person equal to others. Entering the ace community washed away those feelings to a great extent and challenged that horrible self-perception I had lived with. It’s a terrible way to feel and I don’t want anyone to feel that way.

      So many of us already feel that way before we discover the asexuality community’s existence, because of the way the sexualnormative society around us treated us–if the asexual community cannot help heal that hurt anymore, because sex aversion and non-libidoism are being perceived as distasteful or unpopular by some…then we are failing, failing to give the support we need to.

      I have theories about why non-libidoism and sex aversion have became less prevalent (possibly a politics and perception issue, with the constant-pressure to be sex-positive and to fit into a sexualnormative world; although it could also be due to the changing demographics of the Ace Community; people that are comfortable/happy having sex likely had less of a driving motive to seek out the community when it was more invisible, and now that knowledge of asexuality is much better known more of those people may be coming to identify as ace than in the past).

      If you ever need someone to talk to about it or provide some support in regards to feeling broken as a non-libidoist, you can talk to me and I’ll do my best to help keep you convinced of the truth; that it’s perfectly normal and acceptable to be a non-libidoist.

      • Lol that’s so true about the vegan/meat thing and the ads as well.

        Thanks. I don’t want people who masturbate and/or people who do have some form of a libido/sex drive (including a very active one) to feel unwelcome in the ace community, and I hate that there seems to have been some elitism and philosophies of excluding them in the past. All of us clearly have a lot of similar experiences and I think the simple lack of sexual attraction definition works really well, as well as the asexual umbrella and opting for more inclusion rather than exclusion. I want us to be one big happy “ace club” where people of a bunch of different types are welcome.

        I only joined the ace community less than a year ago. I mean… I first started checking stuff out on AVEN’s forums around November 2012 probably, so almost 2 years ago… But I first called myself asexual in October 2013 and so I’d say that is approximately when I joined the community. I took like 3 months of really in-depth reading of stuff on AVEN and the tumblr asexuality community and stuff with August, September, and October 2013 so it’s only been about a year for me. I bet it is a different environment than it was for you, four years ago.

        http://luvtheheaven.wordpress.com/2014/06/07/my-doubts-about-not-wanting-to-have-sex-and-my-journey-through-the-depths-of-scarleteens-sex-positive-sex-ed-website/

        http://luvtheheaven.wordpress.com/2014/07/23/am-i-sex-averse-maybe-i-have-made-a-decision-to-identify-as-such/

      • Mind if I join this conversation? I’m the author of that post that was linked to. I found the asexual community 2 years ago, and I was sad to hear that so many sex-averse people left earlier than that, making me feel like I missed out on an era of asexual history that I would’ve been welcome in. I felt alienated by all the emphasis on sex-positivity that was there in 2012. :( (but then again, part of it was because among other discrepancies in terminology, I thought ‘sex-positive’ meant personally finding sex to be a positive thing)

        But through some more reading, I found the problem; years earlier, a bunch of people from AVEN’s formal rival joined AVEN after the rival site died, and took over with their elitism for some time. They just happened to be nonlibidoist and sex-averse, but they kind of ruined things for the rest of those who aren’t elitist, so maybe I wouldn’t have fit in as well as I thought I would have.

        Reading about how silenced averse asexuals feel in the community nowadays made me especially sad, making me realize this issue wasn’t just affecting me, it wasn’t just an issue of terminology differences between me and much of the asexual community, but that a lot of others l could relate to, aren’t feeling welcome.

        • Of course! Join and be welcome :)

          But through some more reading, I found the problem; years earlier, a bunch of people from AVEN’s formal rival joined AVEN after the rival site died, and took over with their elitism for some time. They just happened to be nonlibidoist and sex-averse, but they kind of ruined things for the rest of those who aren’t elitist, so maybe I wouldn’t have fit in as well as I thought I would have.

          I’m not sure exactly which incident you’re referring to, but if it’s the one I’m thinking of it, it pre-dates my joining of the asexual community by several years, and while I think it did lead to a greater emphasis on sex-positive asexuality and to an awareness of the importance of being more accepting to libodoist and sexually active aces, I don’t think that was necessarily the precursor to the level of sex-positivity and openly libidoist aces we have today. Now it seems like more aces are libidoist than not, and back in 2010 I would have said those identifying as non-libidoists were much more prominent and populous than they are today.

          Even as of the 2011 Community Census, 55% of aces were identifying as at least somewhat sex repulsed–while 72% nonetheless identified as sex-positive.

          It could even be an age/time thing; as more asexuals get older and navigate relationships and their sexuality, they may realize they had more of a libido than they thought, or were comfortable masturbating or having sex (while still not experiencing sexual attraction). I think Southpaw, for instance, is an ace of yore who has gone from non-libidoist to libidoist, as detailed in her recent Carnival post.
          (I feel like I’m gossiping by linking to an individual ace, but that’s certainly not my intent…)

          There are just so many things that could impact the amount of aces identifying as libidoist. And without hard numbers (another survey, for instance,) it’s hard to tell exactly how much it’s changed.

          Reading about how silenced averse asexuals feel in the community nowadays made me especially sad, making me realize this issue wasn’t just affecting me, it wasn’t just an issue of terminology differences between me and much of the asexual community, but that a lot of others l could relate to, aren’t feeling welcome.

          I hate to hear it too, to know that people aren’t feeling as welcome and accepted as they should be. One thing we can do is talk about it, blog about it, and make it clear that asexuals of any level of sex drive or sexual activity are welcome in the asexual community. I think maybe, however, it’s not enough to just make it clear that we are counted as asexual–we know that, after all, by the definition.

          I think a lot of the problem is that asexual communities were once refuges away from the sexualnormativity of the world, where we’re told that everyone masturbates, everyone desires sex and enjoys sex; and now when more people in the asexual community talk about things like masturbating, sleeping with their partners, etc regularly, it can kind of feel like an extension of the Othering the sexualnormative world does, like we’re still freaks for not doing those things, since even other asexuals do them.

          But there’s really no way to avoid that that I can think of.

          • The final two paragraphs of your new comment is exactly what I was thinking. You put it into words in a wonderful way. I would like to think there is not “no way” to avoid the feeling non-libidoists end up getting, though. I would like to think there is always “a way” to make people feel a little better about themselves without throwing anyone else under the bus.

            • I would like to think there is a way to keep some subsection of ace-spectrum people from feeling like they don’t fit in…other than writing inclusively about ace issues and making it clear they’re welcome, but I can’t think of anything in particular that doesn’t potentially run the risk of being exclusionary.

              Everything i can think of I don’t like, because I don’t like emphasizing the differences in subsections of aces, particularly along behavior lines–it feels divisive to me. Nonetheless, if people feel like they have no where to escape from sexualnormativity and feel normal, then that’s a problem.

              Maybe the best thing to do would be to open a wider dialogue on the issue, call for input from all aces, to get more input. Maybe someone could do a Carnival month on it. There are two Carnival themes I feel apply to the issue (September 2012 – “Unity and Diversity in the Asexual Community” and January 2014 – “Overemphasis on romantic/sexual relationships”)–of which the roundup/masterpost for the latter is entirely gone. I don’t feel that it’s really something that’s been talked about a lot.

              I think it (the othered feelings of non-libidoists and aromantics who don’t fit as well into society’s sexualnormative expectations as some other aces) is too dicey an issue to really bring up. It too easily veers into the opposite problem, making sexually active or libidoist aces feel othered by their own ace community.

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